I love being caught totally off guard and not even realizing it. Really I do.
I have had more than one instance in the last month or so where I have opened my mouth to answer a question someone has proposed to me only to find truth. It comes out like a fine music composition starring my favorite composers/musicians/key/tone. And before you know it, I have spoken out loud something within me that has only been hidden away to be unfolded and discovered to be pure honesty and truth. When I least expected it, I have answered that I am scared and elated. I have also discovered that in the midst of sweat, a thumping heart beat in my throat, and every last agonizing blissful moment of working out this strong body of mine, I may have just gone and made peace with still remaining on the IR. That's the injured reserve for those of you who are blessed to not have some sort of ESPN playing within your ear shot at some point during your waking hours.
It is amazing to me that I have become some what of an athlete as my years trod on. I can remember being a part of numerous activities while growing up. Usually most of them involving some sort of snow gear as the stunning masterpiece that is the Upper Peninsula most often allowed for only mere moments of bright green and the sweet smell of fresh dirt. Either way, as lower elementary turned into middle school and then the high school, I was able to keep up with the rules, regulations, and timing of just about any sport.
And than I married the most competitive, man of all sports knowledge, I am in it to win it and be good at it, stat lovin male on the face of the planet. No lie.
Which has brought me to the last 6 years of carrying babies and feeding babies, the ups downs and all around rip tide that is the hormonal death grip that holds firmly on these years. Realizing that being an athlete can erase all negative everything associated with the fabulous world of hormone.
Getting involved in local events as a family and learning that the stay at home mom who is over 30 is more than capable of holding her own amongst the little youngsters and their cute hip hugging shorts and teeny tiny sports bras. Because really as some of us seasoned vets in the nursing department knows, sometimes its ok to just double it up and tuck all the girls in before a rough ride. But I digress...
This leads me to once again being humbled and taken back. I was on top of my game last Spring. I was a runner. I had even graciously accepted a 13.1 bumper sticker to proudly display where the entire world could see it (i.e. anyone that walked through my kitchen). I was on my way and it felt oh so good. And then injury and disappointment set it. I played it off and played it up. I made attempts at a come back and sat in my own ocean of self wallow. I have learned and I have paid attention. I have accepted and I have pouted.
But then when I least expected it, I all of a sudden made peace with it.
Today it came to me as I bundled myself for a little hike in the woods with my new snow shoes. Along side Cody the Great, my most trusted dearest furry buddy at my side, my favorite Ipod playlist and 2 strong legs. The perfect amount of fresh crunchy trail to break and the realization that when you least expect it, all is well. Just like that, in the blink of an eye.
Like I say to my children almost daily, "Sometimes there will be times when something will be out of your control. No matter if you like it or not, you have to keep your dukes up and try again."
Somehow I am going to keep this a usual occasion for me from here on out. But I will gladly accept being taken back and off guard and fully embracing the "least expected" moments. Preferably with fully customized pink dukes up.
Just in case...
My love, all my love,
C.
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