Decisions/Declarations/Resolutions/Verdicts

There are few things more precious to me than making a solid decision and feeling good about it. I am a devoted rule follower and tend to mostly agree with the majority of opinion and the ebb and flow of the public tide. Only on occassion showing passion of the lion cub nature. I tend to stick to my guns quite devotedly; with the safety lock properly secured of course. My ratio of good decisions versus bad is solid. Much more successfully in my thirty's versus my twenty's. But I would never keep such a close score. At least not on paper or anything.
I made the decision to get married when I did. I made the decision to get two tattoo's. I made the decision to prevent getting pregnant. I made the decision to jump out of the airplane. I made the decision to go back to school. I make the decision to act, and feel, and speak the way I do. I make decisions everyday for the better of my children, my home, my car, and whether or not I should shave my legs. Important or not, big or small.
I haven't had to make too many real important decisions in my life as far as sticking my neck out and being too vulnerable. I tend to sway more with the laid back crowd.
Preferably in a hammock, sipping a fruity drink, with a scarf securly adorning said fragile neck.
Maybe so.
But alas, sometimes something sneaks in of the not-so-fun decision making process, and quite frankly, it kind of puts me in a tizzy. I am on the edge of something that I said that I would never do. I am at a turning point and attempting to shift my perspective so way far to the opposite direction it is currently in, that I am so terribly unsure of how to even attempt to make the decision.
Without feeling like I want to just throw up that is.
It has been consuming me for quite some time, and frankly once I figured out why it was I was so annoyed with myself lately did I realize it was actually this pesky little crux that was/is soundlessly eating away at me.
This is a smidge uncharacteristic of me to feel so appalled and troubled.
I am unsure.
Perhaps in time...
I shall sound the beacon when the right answer approaches me.

My love, all my love,
discombobulated on the OBR