Rain on my parade, being thankful & an addict all at once, and the power of walking away...

Isaac: "But Mom, I need to have this paddle."

Me: "Isaac, in order to use a paddle you have to have a boat."

Isaac: "But Mom, I don't want the boat, I want the paddle!"

This is the conversation that I had with my son this morning. He was looking at the new Cabela's "bible" (as we so affectionately refer to it as in our home) master catalog for Fall 2007 as I was attempting to get to my cup of hour old coffee. (looking outside with much disgust that Mother Nature picked a Monday of all days to rain on my parade. Damn her!!!) Anyway, so I tried to explain to him that when you have a paddle normally it is to be used with a boat of some sort. He refused (as in the case with most Mondays) to listen as I explained to him that in order to maneuver the boat, that is when you need to use the paddle. So on, so forth, yadda, yadda, yadda...he packed up, and moved into the living room disgusted that I had rained on his parade. How can it be that 6 days away from this little mans 4th birthday that I already have to explain that in order to paddle up/down the river you need a paddle and a boat? (and maybe a flask of some sort of spiced rum for emergency purposes only but thats a different lesson to be had) Why couldn't I have told him that he could have built the boat and then purchased the most expensive paddle that had the best wood and aerodynamic design known to man? There are so many scenarios, too many to explain. I was in awe and humbled immediately at all of the things that will need to be explained in my ongoing career as his mother. I love that for now, I am just mom, the one who either knows everything, or just nothing at all. Which ever way the wind is blowing at the time. What a great way to start a blah Monday morning.

This week is going to be a huge week for me! I am more than excited to see what it has in store. So, in preparation, I attempted on Sunday to get in a good run to clear my thoughts and remember that the world keeps spinning around no matter what you are facing ahead of you. My attempt and expectations were met (with the help of some of my dear friends; i.e. Lenny Kravitz, John Mayer, Emily, Martie, and Natalie) and I came home with a new sense of self and ready for a new week. Now, I know that this may sound a touch cliche but it is the tiny things that really do excite me and bring me much joy. Here was my mental reflection of the last week or so and a list of things that brought/bring me delight:

1. Isaac telling me that the recycle bag needs to be changed because it is full (rewind 25 years ago to my home; what is recycling?) smile...
2. Ali bringing me the sunblock to put on her face after watching me put it on mine (fast forward 25 years to her wedding day; "Thanks Mom for reminding me to use sunblock" Ali says) smile...
3. "Cassylynnskamaki!" my grandma says with the utmost delight in her voice. This delights me purely for the fact that her voice alone brings me solice and comfort with out speaking of anything other than what the weather is like outside.
4. My mother in law complimenting me on my guacamole. Little does she know that this was made from a packet of preseasoned/dried items, nothing homemade, and sold to me by the good folks at Meijer. Shhh...this is our secret.
5. My sweet friends PPM and MCM asking me, with their best manners, for more Ritz peanut butter crackers, knowing full well that I would share and feed them as if they were my very own bear cubs and it were my last meal on earth to give. There is nothing finer...
6. My niece complimenting me on my shirt (a maternity tank top and my best attempt at trying to be stylish) when she clearly has no interest at this point in her life for children/fashion/growing pg bellies, so on. It was her peace offering to the relentless gods that have a death grip over her 16 year old being. Her head did not fall off and hell did not freeze over. It was a compliment and I made the biggest deal that I could to show her my complete appreciation for her offering to the above said gods. Kisses Louis...
7. Isaac lifting my swimsuit at the beach to reveal my silvery stretch marked belly for the entire beach crowd to see only to give it a kiss and say hello. And Ali following suit and bringing "Tres" a beach shovel and saying "he a go" to him/her. sigh...Thank you God for such generous sweet babies.
8. "Its, ok. I didn't need therapy and I am ok with it." I said to my sister over coffee on what seemed to have been an extraordinarly, beautifully, well scripted Hollywood scenelike afternoon. Realizing fully that blood really is thicker than water. Such a good experience, such a good feeling to let someone know that its ok. Such good all around.
9. Crying together and being sad that something terrible has happened and the next minute laughing together, realizing it was all wrong. I can't imagine not having people like that in my life, where you could experience one extreme to the other. We all need friends like that. This is what is true and pure. No artificial flavors or colors added.
10. And last but not least, watching The Material Girl strut her stuff and shake it on live television and remembering that you really only do get better with age. Thank you Madonna for teaching us 80's girls that life will only get better after 40!

So I have a confession to make. I have shared with you my obsession for motorcycles, preferably Harley's in my previous entries. I am also an addict of music. Everything pretty much. Nothing that I could tell you that really stands out other than just music in general. I am unsure of who instilled this in me. Possibly my parents, they did have a killer record collection you know when I was growing up. Chicago, The Eagles, Doobie Brothers, The Pointer Sisters. Maybe it was Mrs. Trost who taught me that if my name's syllables were such that she was drumming on her hand held drum I could be first in line to be dismissed from music class. Maybe it was my grandma Rita, who used to watch Lawerence Welk. I used to sit in front of her fake bristle, orange spotlight glowing fireplace with a bowl of air popped popcorn watching on her tiny TV the delight on peoples faces as they swung their partners around to the methodical playings of numerous accordions. The hair, the outfits, the feel good atmosphere, all of it in its splendor. Maybe it was my sister, who listened to The Sex Pistols and Duran Duran and wouldn't let me in her room. Only to scold me later on if I sang along outside of her room to lyrics that I purposely memorized just to irritate her. Whatever it may be I am an addict. I love music. There is nothing better than hearing a song that brings you back to any kind of moment, good or bad. It makes you remember where you were and sometimes how far you have come. (getting dumped by your 1st boyfriend in the middle of a kick*** Chicago love song fest slow skate at the roller rink) I love what it does to me and how it moves me sometimes to tears. I will never have a better appreciation than a good song and an artist who writes it. I hope that I can pass this love on to my babies and they will learn that music really is a common language to everyone no matter where you come from. We can all speak it, appreciate it, feel it, learn it.

Exactly four years ago today I walked away from the corporate world. I left my job in the anticipation of becoming a mother and I never looked back. There are some days I wonder where/how our (Jeb & I) life would be if I hadn't left. There are some days I wonder what I would do with the "extra" income (if there is such a thing) I would be bringing home. Iam not going to sound like a bad Lifetime movie or anything but I am for sure, lets say, at the decision that we made. It took until now for me to become set in stone that that was indeed the best decision, but alas, I am for sure. If I had to go back tomorrow so be it. But until then, my three kids in four years is the best time that I have put in. I will tell you that it isn't and wasn't easy and still remains to be my very toughest project yet. I am grateful that in the end, in my own mind, this is where I am supposed to be at this time. How far I have come. How much I have grown.

So, I suppose now that it has taken me from start to finish around 4 hours to write today that I should get something else constructive done. Check out Kristin Armstrong's blog today if you can. It is beautiful and will make you appreciate family or that special someone who is your "Priceless" at the end of your own Mastercard ad. I have way too many to appreciate. And for that I am eternally blessed.

Go down to the Cherry Fest and see my mom, she will direct you wherever you need to go. Embrace "the fudge" and spend your hard earned money on over priced food that supports this beautiful town we live in. Have a cherry and look at the bay, you will be glad you did, you will have something to put on your weekly "thankful list" of things that bring you joy.

My love, all my love,

Cassy