Garbage Dumping Thursday

Because I have had to take care of a generally large amount of important things.

Because words and I just can't seem to be anything but a big fat fragment.

Because I, on a daily basis, seem to be nothing but a big pool of overcaffinated confusion and befuddle.

Because trying to emerge from one revelatory A Ha moment to another has had me lost in a galaxy far far away.

Because I am taking an English class again, and English professors are so damn picky and my feelings are already feeling very fragile. And the blog is my only defense for sounding like I am not a complete idiot.

Because a reintroduction to an old friend is sweeter than apple pie I say hello again.

Revelatory
It seems as though this word from the English dictionary has found me again. Yes again. My long journey away from the hallowed Eng portion of the curriculum of the tall pines that was once a thing of the past has followed me into the summer semester of 2011. My muddy trudge through the murky (and creature of the dark lagoon) bog that was Algebra has lessened its lethal grip upon me to only hand me over to another iron maden. Eng 112 and I have been introduced. We have politely shaken hands and made small talk and now we are onto the joking of how we used to wear our bangs in the late 80's portion of new frienship.
I am full of anxiety.
I am only moderately comfortable with a sentence that does not contain a fragment.
I am becoming very comfortable with the late nights that have me reading essays, over and over to comprehend how the essay speaks to an argument in support of the assumption of the analyzation to support the claim... what? Which usually leaves me seeing visions of moths on the summer screen door flapping about and speaking to me in a voice that sounds similar to the Godfather telling me to just go to bed. I am in a great search to find the revelatory thoughts that are upon me in order and put them directly in a perfected MLA formatted piece of genius.
Throwing it away. It will be fine.

Responsibility
On a daily basis I am reminded of all of the things that fall under my realm of responsibility:
Everything that has to do with #10 on the OBR and anything generally in the same 1 acre vicinity of said plot. At any rate, me and my newly greying hair, have been full of responsibility. I am reminding myself to drink from the cup of life and allow it to spill over and drip down my chin. I am reminding myself that life is short and to take all kinds of chances. I am reminded that the amount of responsibility that rests upon me will inevitably get taken care of when all is said and done. I am reminding myself that what ultimately rests upon my shoulders I will carry and set down according to priority. Here is me being responsible. See me?
Throwing it away. It will be fine.

Fun. Question Mark.
My idea of fun has most certainly shifted in the past 8 years. This I can only gauge from the dark circles that adorn my McQuaid eyes on a exquisite summer afternoon ushering little people in an out of the water to and from a bathroom in my daily attempt to be fun mom doing fun things. What was once an all nighter watching meaningless movies and chowing on endless calories of pure scrumptious indulgence has now paved way to revelatory (SEE! That word again!) thesis statements, sprinkled in with studiously manipulated post it notes in priority order of importance, directly beside the new magazine that beholds the answers to all nutritional questions regarding how not to live off of cereal and red wine, underneath the phone that replies the text stating that the meeting place for the little thing called exercise is, the dam, at 5:50. Really.
Fun to me would be backpacking through a small town in France.
Fun to me would be closing my eyes for longer than the allotted nap I get every 19 or so hours. Fun would be someone at my front door with a Mary's pink lemonade and a high five.
Fun would be knowing that all of the decisions that I make in my 30's will directly accompany my 40's ability to state their rebuttal and say, "See? I told you to have more fun."
Throwing it away.
It will be fine.

The Weekly Guilt Log

Today was my Cody's 9th birthday and the only thing I did was feed him a lame "treat" of 6 bread crusts from 3 peanut butter and jelly's I made for lunch.

Not charging my phone on 2 separate occasions just because I am way too attached to it and I wanted to see if I could break up for a short time.

Facebook. Stupid Facebook. If only I didn't require so much adult conversation/interaction.

Not being as kind as I should be to my body. Not sleeping enough. Not feeding myself premium gas instead of the cheapest unleaded.

Wishing I could pull a Forrest Gump and just keep running instead of taking care of the rest of the to do for the day.


It's summer and there are critters that run about on garbage eve. You should really make sure to take care of the garbage on a weekly basis. Its quite refreshing to throw away the unwanted.

Perhaps I shall check in again soon.
Don't expect me to sound like I'm taking an English course. Please.

My love, all my love,
Cass