If you could go back in time, what would you change?
I used to have this great book with all these kind of quirky questions in them and I have torn this house apart looking for it. It has other ones like, if you could have dinner with any 3 people dead or alive, who would it be? There is a trailer for a new show on NBC that will be on this fall about just this subject. I will be anxious to see how Hollywood tries to portray it. Anyway, so back to the question. What would you change? Let me think...
#1- I would have concentrated more in school and strived more to do better.
#2- I would have started to wear SPF w/moisturizer a lot sooner.
#3- I would have never quit half of the sports that I started.
#4- I would have pushed Jeb a ton harder to go and be the athlete I knew he could have been in college.
Shouldn't I have stuff like, I would have gone to school to get my PHD so that I could join in the fight against some awful disease? I am so lame! At any rate, we all have things that we would change. We tell ourselves constantly that where we are at, is where we should be at. And we tell ourselves, be happy with what is in the now. When it is all said and done, are we really happy with where we have come? Do you live with regrets? Do you long to go back and see where the path would have lead with "that guy"? Do you look back and wonder, what if? We are bombarded with dumb little sayings like, "Live in the now", and "Embrace today". You don't need a self help book or therapy to tell you this one. I think that I will make a running list of things that I would go back and change fold it up and burn it in the fire pit in the backyard. And maybe throw in a couple of really scary pictures of me with bad hair. Now is good. What would you change if you could go back?
I have had a couple of instances in the last weeks about not feeling like my feelings were validated. Im not going to give you the gory details, but either it be pregnant hormones or not, it really for lack of a better word, sucked. In a nutshell, I was feeling a certain way and I had expressed it in so many words to someone and the response that I received was less than fruitful or bountiful. I walked away feeling kind of "locked up" again. Are people really that "too busy" to stop and just listen and nod their head? When you really open up and try and let someone in on how you are feeling and they, in their own way, are feeling as though they are helping by telling you either A.) it will all be ok B.) you need to move on or C.) suck it up. Heres a newsflash, it doesn't help. I dont need sympathy, I just wanted to talk. Don't need you to fix it, just wanted to vent. Maybe we need to put a sign around our necks letting people know what kind of response we are looking for. Maybe we should just talk to our pets a little more instead. Hmmm.. wait I already do. Maybe we should just remember that no 2 people are alike and maybe the next time that someone comes to you and wants to just talk that we should sit down and listen. Aww, listening, this is an art. Refine your skills, lock yourself in a quiet room with the phone, run to the store and pick up some Ben & Jerry's to share, do what you need to do and get 'r done. Enough said.
So I took Isaac to see his preschool room and to meet his teacher yesterday. How much fun was that? Here is our recap. From moment one I knew that it was going to be "business". I proceeded to turn on some John Mayer (like every other time we get in the car) when we took off for our short 7 min drive. He immediately told me that he didn't want to listen to anything. So, off John went. Then he told me, "Mom, I think that I am going to figure this one out on my own and check it out on my own, so you can just stay in the car." I then explained in my "unfazed; non-stern mommy voice" that I would really like to see where he was going to be and what his teacher was like and where the school was and so forth so I would indeed be accompanying him into the school merely for the fact that I was curious about the whole preschool thing too. He obliged. We got out of the car and he told me that, "Mom, I don't think that we are going to have you hold our hand this time." Ok.... so we walked in. We walked up to the registration table and she asked me his name. I gently pulled him in front of me and I told him to tell her his name. He said, "Hello, my name is Isaac, nice to meet you." She asked his last name and after a little hiccup with saying the 1st and middle I reminded him of the last name. He repeated and told her, "Im going to go in now and meet Mrs. Monette." Off he went. He went right up to her and said, "Hello, Im Isaac Stone, nice to meet you." She knelt down and immediately introduced herself and off he went. He went through and got to touch just about everything in the room, went to the bathroom, (we had to go over that at school we have to close this door unlike at home where its a free for all) he washed his hands in the sink, he got a drink in the drinking fountain, he met a new little friend Abby, he found his locker. When I gave him the countdown of 5 min he said he was ready and went over to the teacher and said, "Im leaving now Ill see you at school next time." And then he walked out and got in the car. sigh.... Very surreal. It really got me when I looked up on the wall at the months of the year to see in July that on the 15th day of the month it was Isaac Stone's birthday on that day. Im sorry, wasn't that last week? Didn't I just announce in the delivery room that his name would be Isaac on that said 15th day of July and now its up on a preschool wall for his friends to see? How did I get here? No lump in my throat, no tearing up. I walked out, with my hand to myself, and drove away from the parking lot like I will a million times in the next 8 years, head held high. I gave him a big hug when we got out at home and told him that I would give him a big squeeze everyday when he got home from school because I would be so happy to have him home. He laughed and of course in his quirky little Isaac voice simply said, "Thanks." You are welcome Isaac. Heres to a new adventure for you my boy. Enjoy the ride.
A little footnote: Baby #3, Baby C, Baby boy Stone, is perfectly healthy. I recd a call yesterday stating that his kidneys are fine and all is well in the land of uterus living for my growing boy. We continue to run as many times as I can get out. Planning on a 5K on Sept 16th. He is very active, just like his siblings were at this stage. We are still trying to agree on a name.
Enjoy your long weekend. Put ketchup on one more thing, have a bite of that potato salad one more time, get together with friends and toast to another great summer. Fall is upon us. The fantasy football fairy has graced her presence and sprinkled her magic fairy dust upon us again this year. I am moderately interested only for the fact that I have lots of name choices I can mull over as John Madden proceeds to drift in and out of my sleep every Monday night. A little scary. Take the poll that I included this post. I also decided to put out my Nike IPod + mileage chart for ya'all to see. Anything for a little more incentive to get out there to work out my ever growing and widening timeshare that the current occupant has ravaged. I will withhold the security deposit for sure.
My love, all my love,
one humbled mama
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