"Hello Little Man!", Happy Cassy Day!

Well hello!

I am still here! :)

I need to 1st of all apologize for this being so long overdue. I am telling you, I need to find a way to get myself a laptop! I tell J that every night when I am laying in bed watching mindless TV that I could be writing instead. But it would be a sin if I turned off The Dog.

We have been extra busy with misc things the last almost 2 weeks since I have last written. Birthday parties, baby showers, looking at new cars, remembering to grocery shop and shower. You know, the important stuff.

Lets start with the important stuff. As you can see, I have added some pics of the little man for you to see. I actually had a follow up ultrasound this afternoon to have some more pictures taken of his kidneys to make sure that they are on the same/right track. It was requested after the previous ultrasound in July detected a small "issue". I will wait until Sept 14th to hear what the verdict is. It was so good to see that little body and see all of his parts right there in front of me. I just love being able to see him move around and have the tech take all kinds of measurements of everything from his femur to the distance between both eyes. He laid there nice and still for her to ensure that she was getting everything that she needed to get. He sucked on his hands a lot too this time. (Please God, let him be as good of a eater as his big sis!!!) He is only a little over 1 lb and measuring to the day (12/02/07). He is getting so active and I am enjoying every single second of his kicks and punches as I know this is it for me. I will forever remember all of this and what it felt like to have him in there, I will have to make sure as I get towards the end to videotape it too. (If only I could figure out how to tfr it to YouTube and then to this blog, we shall see) At any rate, I am feeling great. Isaac asked me the other day what the water was like in there that he was swimming in. (I told him a couple of months ago that his brother was in there swimming around) I explained that it was nice and warm and that he is comfy and growing big. I cannot wait for the day that I get to see the 2 of them gang up on one another, compete with each other, tease their sister together, and hopefully (cross my fingers) become each others greatest friend. I can't wait! I am 25 weeks along and am feeling no where close to what I felt like with Isaac & Ali. I am still able to work out, do push ups (12 yesterday!), and modified sit ups. I haven't run since last Tuesday because time has not permitted me to be able to. But I have been able to get out and least walk with the kids. If only there was a way for me to multiply myself, that would be handy. I feel great. I am enjoying this in a great way.

We are going to say good bye to my beloved Subaru next Monday. We are selling it to a nice couple that have 2 little ones too. My favorite car salesman graciously helped out and had had them as a contact about a month ago. I'm not sure why, but I am still in awe at the salesmanship my dad possesses. If you were to look up "professional " in the dictionary, there would be a picture of my dad right there next to the word. I always knew growing up that he was the best, but year in and year out he still remains in my eyes on top of the list of the most hard working human beings I have ever known.

We should be picking up our new car Tues night. I will have to post the new family truckster to show it to you once I have gotten over the loss of my "Boobasoo". I love that car. I know, I know, laugh it up at the overly hormonal pregnant girl. I get too attached to stuff. Its just a car. But it was the very 1st new car that I ever purchased. Things sure have changed since January 2000. This time I had to put "not employed" on the credit application, no previous employer info needed, no pay stub to verify employment. Thats been a toughy for me. The Subaru is the very last thing that I am letting go of that I monetarily contributed to. I have really been trying to think of it as a real testament to my marriage. When I/we decided to stop working I knew there would be a day where I would have to entirely depend on Jeb but this really solidifies it for me. I now need to think of it in a more positive way. We are a team, I just work in a different way. No money, just a ton of perks that very few people get to experience. I am proud of that. It has been 4 years since I stopped bringing home a pay check and I am unsure of how long it will take for me to get over the fact that I just contribute in a different way. I am a work in progress. No need to give me the song and dance of I should be grateful, this I know. I will let you know when I get there. :)

So on that note of how much has changed since January 2000...

Prepare yourself, I am in the sharing mode. (This is kind of like an eclipse, it only comes every so often...put your protective eye gear on...)

Last Friday 08/17/07 I celebrated Happy Cassy Day. I have quietly celebrated this day for the past 7 years. The day that I received a telephone call at work telling me, over the phone, that I was the proud owner of a title. A title that would win me a quarterly "prize" of "mailing matter for the blind and handicapped". Not a distinguished title, not a title you earn from hard work and hours of sacrifice but a title at 22 I don't think you expect to hear. Now, be kind here, this is my memoir. There is no way for me to be PC about this other than what my feelings have been from then until now. I am proud of the road that I have traveled. I am proud at how I have handled myself. I am proud as hell of all that I went through and got through, becoming a human pin cushion and all. A test lab rat of some sort. (Maybe this is why having an epidural didn't freak me out at all) I know, I play the "safe card" continuously with everyone but let me tell you, it really is the safest way to remove myself of this title that I have, if I feel like it/want to. The really crazy part of all this is, I think that when people do the old "How are you?" thing with me, I am jolted into action mode to prove that when I say, "Great!" I really am great, no lie. It is easy, easy, easy, for me to treat this title this way. I have in no way really ever related myself to this group of, I am for sure, very fine people. Im not so sure as if I would stand up amongst a crowd and announce this title. This is something that I will face on my own. Although I know that there are real genuine people in this world that really do care, it is easier for me to just remember that this isn't a bad Lifetime movie, it is my life. And I am going to choose to live it the way I need to. I don't need someone telling me which way it is going to go. My choice. This is one of those instances/phases that I wrote about a while back. I tend to look back on 08/17/00 and flip it off and then move on. This is my inner child speaking I suppose. I am not a naive person. There are consequences to everything, every action, every choice. For this I will remember to put on my big girl panties one leg at a time and face it head on. I don't need quarterly "mailing matter for the blind and handicapped" to make me grateful for my life. I will continue to live a very full life, title and all. When I find out what the real reason is why I am here, I will for sure have it stretched behind a plane and flown over both East and West Bay. I don't need to debate with anyone my choice or the fact that I chose to lead the life I lead now. Thats the beauty of it all. (Although if Matt Lauer wanted to go for coffee and an interview, I would gladly accept.) I am not a doctor or a professional or a research analyst. All I know is Cassy. And for that, she and I will live in harmony, wheel chair and all, if need be. No pity party needed.

I hopefully don't come across as unapproachable when I am asked certain things, you can ask, I just may not tell you exactly how I am. I may too. Please just let me retain my "get out of jail free card" for when I really may need to turn it in. I can tell you that it isn't easy, its not fair, and I am reminded every single day that I wake up that it is a reality. I can promise that I would never sweep it under the rug and pretend that it doesn't effect me in my everday life, but the life that I do lead isn't filled with what-ifs. Im not on the internet looking up what may be or what could be. I will continue on doing what I need to do and if the time comes otherwise as the saying goes, I will pass that bridge when I get there. I am not worried. I will let you know if you should start to bite your nails.

So 7 years has passed and I am "drug-free" and I have 3 babies and a life that I didn't think would end up where it is now. I read about other celebrities that have gone through this road that I have been down and smile. They can take the credit for being the "super strong" people that they are for having gone through this. I will just stick to my mommy title. I think I like that one better. Hopefully I am not coming across as ungrateful, that I am not. I am grateful, and blessed, and humbled at some times by the little things that lift me up. And even though I don't share August 17th with everyone, believe me, its a day that comes and is cherished just as much as the day that I was born. I came on February 1st 1978 and on August 17th 2000, I was was given a chance to be "born" again into a different world that I adore. Its hard to explain so just believe me on this one. Happy Cassy Day to me. :)

So now that I have talked myself into circles, I will leave on that note. We are doing great and looking forward to the fall. Football has started. This year I will attempt to try and learn something new. Or maybe not. hee hee...

I have put on a new blog for you to enjoy. Erin Zammett Ruddy is an incredibly delightful person with whom I have read about for many years in my Glamour magazine. She has gone through cancer and was diagnosed at a very early age. She is a sweet person and I feel as if I know her. You should try and catch a special that she is going to be on 08/29 on TLC. She is also expecting her 1st baby in about 2 weeks. A baby that lots of people told her she shouldn't even think about having. I think that she may have flipped them off and moved on and lived the life that Erin wanted to live. I wish that I could give her a hug and be the 1st to say Congrats and welcome to "The Sisterhood".

My love, all my love,

your little friend with the big title