I am still very new at this. Why am I doing this? Hmm...as I sit here and drink my moderatly ok coffee. Wait, would you even call this coffee? Its only 1/3 of a cup. And its not the beautifully photographed cup that is staring me in the face from the Beaners coupon that sits here on the desk. Not to mention next to the picture of the perfectly formed runner out running on a deserted road on the Running Fit coupon that lay right next to the coffee one. Oh, to have it all. So why am I doing this? Well, maybe because I don't get a chance to finish a full conversation with anyone lately. Maybe because I feel like I don't get to know anyone anymore. And I feel like I am not giving anyone a chance to get to know me because I am so busy all of the time. Maybe because I don't have the time or money for therapy. Ok, just kidding on that one. :) I can hear Ali upstairs in her crib humming with her pacifier in, trying to start her day. This must be the 1st addictions we have as children. Am I passing on a horrible habit of having to rely on something to sooth herself? Ok, looking too much into subject again.
J told me last night that he thinks we are having a girl. He said that he had a vision. I don't know how I feel about it. I am what they say, on the fence?. Two weeks from Thursday we can find out if we want. I am a horrible mother. A good mother would say/tell everyone that they don't care what they are having, Just that they want it to be healthy. I am going to hell. (this isn't the 1st issue/thought that will place me there) I want to put myself back living next to The Ingalls's in Walnut Grove somedays. I want to live that life of complete simplicity. And then I am violently jolted back to the realization that I really need to change my caramel creamer to another. I am so sad.
Ran on Saturday in what could have been the most beautiful mornings I have ever experienced to date. I have to take a minute and just boast, please "bear" with me, or skip to following paragraph. I am really quite proud of the fact that not only do I manage to run roughly 10 miles a week. I am still managing to run around a 10 minute mile being 4 months pregnant. I am starting to not care that when people see me (and the belly) they could be questioning what in the heck I am thinking. I have the ok from my docter and the ok from the most important person (the baby) so I really don't care what people think. I am pretty sure that in the whole grand scheme of things that my underlying issues with what doctors told me 7 summers ago still rings in my ears every time I take off. This little bundle seems to enjoy and afterwards I sometimes gets a little butterfly kiss back as I like to think "Tres" is telling me that we had a good run. Why is it that we pick up these issues? Why do we have to justify constantly in our minds our thoughts? I think Im not going to do that anymore. Ok, so like I said, I am so proud. I don't say that much. I think that everytime I look in the mirror today that I will tell myself that. I think that I will make it a point more often to do that. I need to work on being more stylish too. Hmmm...its only 9am on a Monday, take it easy...
Weekend are great. Although Mondays aren't bad around here. I just asked "I" what he wanted to do today and he told me ride his bike and take a walk down the road. Life is good, and I need to really make some more coffee for myself tomorrow morning. :) Princess A calls. I must go.
XO
C
No comments:
Post a Comment